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mike_herrera18's journal
You are viewing mike_herrera18's journal
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Don't take this the wrong way, But I can't help not looking Every now and then. And I know you might see me As just another pathetic boy With no real ambitions and A body that could be so much more, But I just want you To know that I miss you most days, For all sorts of crazy reasons. And it seems that We're both a bit bored, Possibly feeling burned or just Scared. And there's no way I could pretend that I know you Anymore, but please know that You can still come to me and Tell me anything. Just to smile, Or just for the warmth of Knowing you've still got a friend in me, As misguided as I might be. Your brown eyes and a Passion for the city, Mine hazel with a passion that I'm Still desperately searching for; We're both still very much alive, and I think you'll be just fine. |
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I miss listening to music. I've been relying on The Hype Machine (www.hypem.com) to listen to music but this laptop is so ancient that it takes a lot of work and time to open even the simplest of websites, so streaming music isn't all that easy. It's gotten so desperate I've resorted to getting in my car and driving through campus a couple times just to listen some cd's. I guess I don't mind all that much; there's a lot to see and be found out there and you never realize it until you're not looking. |
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still getting over being sick. Tuesday: Calculus exam Thursday: Political Science Midterm Friday: Art Appreciation Exam 2 Saturday: Shooting the 'Sealed With A Kiss' Marathon for my J210 photo project. |
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2007 was the most sad and frustrating year of my life. I was down, and diseased, and depressed. Love came and went, happiness swelled out from my heart but was always swallowed down by something, and at the end I let out a tired sigh and closed my eyes. 2007 broke me down and into pieces, and although I am still not whole, I am more a man than I have ever been. I am waking up from a long death, and I appreciate 2007 with all my breath and blood and bones and faith, because 2007 brought me 2008. |
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Last night, I had choices. Possibilities Joanna Newsom is beautiful. Her voice and her arrangements take me somewhere else. The pacers game in Indy was so fun. We had really wonderful (and free) seats. After, Nick and I said goodbye to Eric, Sym and Anne and we met a few friends for drinks in the city. The slippery noodle is a really charming place. I hope the sun comes out in the morning. I can't wait to spend Thanksgiving with my family. My friends and I are baking cookies tuesday. I miss Andrea, and please remember to never let me say that again. I just needed to get it out once more. This will be an Andrea-free zone from now on. :-) I may have a job soon as a photographer, the first project being a coffee-table book with photographs of various basketball goals across the great state of Indiana. The guy heading up the project has some really wonderful ideas that I'm pretty psyched about. Everyone! Enjoy what you have. When it snows, play. When it rains cold and icy, read a book under your blanket. Be with your family. Be with your friends. Love as much as possible. Let's do this right. |
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I pull myself out. Drag my sofa to the other side of the room. Take off all my clothing and wash myself in air. In the shower I pull the curtain closed. I lose myself in a waterfall of hot water. Steam covering my mirror. I turn the waterfall off. Warm, wet and breathing: I am newborn. I raise my arms and rest them on the shower wall. Gazing down, I lean my head onto the porcelain. Drops of water fall from the tip of my nose. Thinking. Apologetic. Desperate. Needy. Compassionate. The ringing of my phone shakes me out of thought for a brief moment. And then I remember it's not March, April, May, Or June. Not even July. The cold is coming. I open the curtain, dripping. I am naked and stretched across a mound of socks covering my bed. Thinking. Wishing. Believing. Lying. Drifting off to sleep. I am newborn. An infant. I'll catch your cold for you if you can't catch up. I'll keep it. I am everything all at once. I am really nothing at all.
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The world moves for love. It kneels before it in awe. |
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"It's not 'clever lonely' (like Morrissey) or 'interesting lonely' (like Radiohead); it's 'lonely lonely,' like the way it feels when you're being hugged by someone and it somehow makes you sadder." |
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Outside, it is the most beautiful weekend in months. With the windows down, we speed down and up through hills with trees taking off leaves on both sides. And Kristen says "This is as good as it gets..." And I nod my head with a gentle smile, but inside I know that I'm lying.
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